The Scripts We Adopt, The Abilene Paradox, & More

Sharpening your thinking today:

• Makes-You-Think Tweet: Avoid falseness

• Mind-Expanding Concept: The Abilene Paradox

• Cool Quote or Question: The scripts we adopt

• High-Signal Content: The personalization wave

Makes-You-Think Tweet

Mind-Expanding Concept

The Abilene Paradox

Father-in-law: We should take a trip to Abilene (50 miles away) for dinner.

Wife: Sounds like a great idea.

Husband: Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go.

Mother-in-law: Of course, I want to go. I haven’t been to Abilene in a long time.

They go. The drive is hot, dusty, and long. The food is as bad as the drive. They arrive back home 4 hours later, exhausted.

Someone (dishonestly): It was a great trip, no?

Mother-in-law: Actually, I'd rather have stayed home but you were so excited.

Husband: I didn't want to go but went to satisfy you all.

Wife: I went along to keep you happy. I'd never want to go out in that heat.

Father-in-law: I suggested it because I thought you were bored.

The group was baffled that they decided to go on a trip that none of them wanted to go.

That's the Abilene Paradox. When people collectively decide on a course of action that is counter to the preference of most or all individuals in the group. It happens when individuals mistakenly believe that their preferences are counter to the group's, so they don't raise objections. Not only do groups have a hard time managing disagreements but also agreements.

How many meetings have you had that this might've happened?

Cool Quote or Question

Growing up, we internalize ways of doing things that are counterproductive when we become adults.

For example, we learn to do the best we can in whatever we're doing. In every class, pursue an A+. In sports, do your best, give it your best. To the point where it becomes second nature. But is it a good heuristic to internalize?

As with many things in life, the devil is in the details. If "give it your best" means: carrying out your duty, treating others well, and pulling your own weight. Then yes, by all means, give it your best. But that's not the usual interpretation. It normally means: investing as much time and effort as you can to get the best outcome possible in what you're doing.

With this one, I have to disagree. Why? Opportunity cost.

The "always give it your best" heuristic does not age well

When we are kids, the opportunity cost is low.

If we are not studying or playing sports, we are playing video games or picking fights. The alternatives are limited. The world, constrained. Conversely, as adults, the world is open-ended. The alternatives, limitless. If you're investing time and effort in something, by definition you're not investing in something else.

As adults, the opportunity cost is high.

Time and attention do not grow in trees

Our interest varies across domains and different activities are more or less relevant to our goals. Time and attention are scarce - we should invest them accordingly.

Why not drop altogether the activities you dislike, Mr. Adult? Well, if you can, you should. But it's a reality of adult life that you must do things because they're important regardless of how exciting they are. Do them. Just don't give them more energy than necessary. Don't do a lousy job or mistreat the people involved. Just define the minimum required - your own target - and execute as efficiently as possible.

Even if the logic makes sense, the execution is still tricky

Because the "always do your best" approach is so ingrained in us, it can feel weird.

Doing the minimum required often means you could do better. You have the knowledge, the tools, the time (supposedly). It's easy to succumb to auto-pilot and do it better than it's needed. Particularly in social settings where peer pressure kicks in.

For instance, I wasn't interested in a required class in grad school. Doing the minimum meant presenting papers that were OK, not great. To the whole class. Without a lot of prep. Knowing that I could've done better and chose not to. It's a weird feeling. As we've been conditioned to do our best, we expect to be judged through the same lens.

Remember (British accent), it's not about this one task or this one class. It's about the many other things we could be doing instead. Ultimately, what we do is who we are.

I'm about to have my first child. I want to figure out how to teach her this without ruining her sense of duty and responsibility. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, let's hit publish and move to the next thing.

High-Signal Content

“…I’d be fine with every restaurant in the world knowing that I am a vegetarian. I’d be fine with every e-commerce store knowing that I wear a size 9.5 mens shoe. However, I want to know HOW they know this information. I don’t want my data to be sniffed or scraped, I want control.”

See you next week,

Filipe